A hankerin'

For Angel.

Now don't panic. I'm well aware he's a fictional character.
But his character, the characters character. There's something there that rings in me.
Isn't there someone out there, like that, for me?

I have a dark soul. An old soul. I know this. I've been told I'm a "little different" my whole life.
I'm not "evil"... that's in stories, in fiction.
I do see things in different ways, in different lights, to other people though.
No doubt about that.

I don't connect with people. I'm always hovering on the edges.
But I'm a good person. I have a very big heart.
I'm kind. I listen.

Isn't there someone for me?
Someone who sees the same strange answers, asks the same odd questions.
Someone dark? Someone light?

I thought I found him, once. But I was wrong. It was all a show. Fake.

I feel so old, these days.
Not on the outside, but inside. Like I'm being stretched, or being crushed.