ok. so in reality, i'm miserable.

I'm putting out this "i'm ok" thing, but inside, i'm screaming.
I'm so lonely i could (and do, often) cry.
I have a "journal" type thing, and i was writing in it, and i paged back... i came across all the bits i'd written about .. him.. and me. I sobbed.
It's so unfair! He's "blissfully happy" with his new american girl. He says " i just got back from the best week of my life". His week in america. with her. Again.
my heart broke all over again.
Does this mean he never had a good week with me? In nearly 7 years?
Does it mean that i never made him as blissfully happy as she does?
Was i just a waste of his time?
Did i waste my life? All the energy (money) and time i gave him, was it all for nothing?
He doesn't even remember the anniversary that would have been 7 years.
"Oh, i forgot" he said.
HE FORGOT???
WTF!!??

my word i'm pathetic.

help
:(

i'm waiting for things to go RIGHT

*sigh*
so... we're all still very raw after losing Lady so suddenly.
But things must continue, life goes on...
The SAFCOL yard has changed so much since i started riding there. It's quite sad really.
Braves is leaving at the end of March... going to a yard in Swaansvyk road, so not far. But he is the last remaining "resident" of the safcol yard... all the horses that are left arrived later on.. some not even a year ago... and now with 2 stables open :/

And today, i arrived at the Fairhill stables to ride (after riding Traffie) and P asked me to come look at Alchemy's front leg....
he has an ENORMOUS gash open - i felt really ill when i saw it... was NOT my finest hour - across his fetlock.. so P called B (the owner) and he called Dr A. The vet couldn't stitch it, it was too wide, and it was packed with sand so he didn't want to close it up over that.
Dr A said that he had severed a branch of one of the tendons... in between the major ones, thankfully.
So poor Al is out of action for a good few weeks.
J was really upset.
*sigh*
Can't things just go _right_ for a change?
I'm so frikkin tired of being heartsore and worried.