another stab in the heart.

In order to find out what's happening out there, in the world of the man i loved, due to a cold silence that has descended between us, i took a look at his new girl's new blog.

"The end of this story though is that there is hope for the cool chick though. After 2+ years of this kind of lonely nonsense I've decided to take off the pikachu slipper-FFXI-recluse ways and try to find true love. Recent events have made me aware that there are people that appreciate and can truly love a girl who is like a dude but not a dude. Funny how someone you meet and fall in love with can completely change your life. So all I can say to wrap this winded, boring-ass story up is a nice, dreamy quote: "I am hope"

I love you snow and I don't care who knows.
~the end~"

Well apparently, i'm one of the people who knows now, and apparently she doesn't care.
i am. overcome.
all the little scabs on my heart just totally wrenched open.
i sobbed like a little lost child.
i really don't think i can take too much more of this pain.
and the fact that he feels nothing. that she feels nothing for the pain they both cause.
that just bites deep.

i'm on the knife edge. total dispair. this crazy numb heart. dead soul.
dehydrated from crying.
how long does this take to heal?
i don't know how long i can hold on.